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My campaign promise: I won’t date dumb

In my gazillion years on the dating frontlines, I’ve dated on both sides of the political fence and never have given it a whole lot of thought.

But now the stakes are too high. So high, in fact, that I’ve decided I must establish a thorough vetting process — a sophisticated questionnaire that will reveal whether or not a man’s background, experience, and intellect makes him a viable candidate for the position of Datable Dude.

If he gets past the first 25 questions which deal mostly with whether he’s working or not, whether or not he’s ever been arrested, and whether or not he can cook, we finally get down to brass tacks:

Did you vote for G.W. the first time around? (A yes won’t rule him out, but won’t rule him in, either. Every man I’ve dated who voted for GW the first time around has lied to me about something fairly major – um, little things you know, like seeing other women or why they really left their last job.)

Did you vote for G.W. the second time around? (The only acceptable answer here is no. I tried spending time with a guy once who had voted for GW the second time around and let’s just say I’ve talked with lizards in my front yard that were less boring.)

Are you voting for McCain for president? (I only ask this question when I have a Taser in my hand. There’s no telling how looney-tune one of those yea-sayers can get.)

And finally, was Sarah Palin a good choice for VP? (A yes here insures one bonus round question.)

Can you spell moron if I spot you the M, the R, and the N?

But if he’s on board with Palin, I already know the answer — especially if he drags out that radically lame argument – “She’s got as much experience as Barack Obama.”

Um, non-datable dude and the rest of the GOP! Try to fire a synapse or two. The Republicans just spent the last 18 months telling the world Obama didn’t have enough experience, and now the GOP is basically saying “Actually, we don’t think either of them has enough experience and suddenly, that’s a-okay with us!” (Subtext: it’s perfectly fine for a female to be inexperienced – that’s expected, but it wasn’t okay for a man.)

Now, in the interest of full disclosure I should say that I was once madly in love with a – you guessed it – Republican. And, in the interest of even more embarrassing honesty, I should probably tell you that I really don’t have to vet any men at all – ‘cause pretty much no man, regardless of political affiliation, is asking me out these days …. Um, is it something I said?

Look, you don’t have to be a feminist (though I happen to be one) to know that John McCain doesn’t believe in women’s rights. And this is one woman who wants a man who wants his woman to have all the rights in the world. And then some.

John McCain has gone on record saying he opposes equal pay for women. He’s gone on record saying he’d like to see women lose the legal right to choose abortion; he’s avoided commenting on whether or not female contraception – which, duh, would help prevent the need for abortion! – should be covered by health insurance as Viagra is in many cases for men.

Oh, the men of the GOP are nattering on, acting like they give a rat’s whisker about women in politics and crowing about breaking the glass ceiling … yada yada yada. But their positions on the issues tell a different story.

So this election year, I’m further reducing the likelihood – especially here in redder-than-red Sarasota — that I’ll ever get a dinner invite again, ever hold someone’s hand again, and fuggedabout having someone to snuggle up next to on Election Night ‘08.

Nope. I’m making my stand. I’m dragging out that Republican answer to every major social problem (drugs, teen sex, arugula) out there and applying it to the GOP itself: I’m just saying no.

I’m going on the record and yes, you can quote me quoting Hillary:

No way. No how. No McCain. Not even a man who votes for him.

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Posted on September 3rd, 2008Comments RSS Feed
5 Responses to My campaign promise: I won’t date dumb
  1. Datable Dude Application..

    1st.. yes

    2nd.. nope, I was sailing on the Gulf and too busy.

    3rd.. unknown at this time (I require more input. Don’t you?)

    4th.. Well, she is Hot (almost as hot as you. But, she is married and I don’t go there. I have a simple rule of life: I don’t drive another man’s car, boat, or woman.)

    Can you spell moron if I spot you the M, the R, and the N? Umm, (NORMAL?)

    ‘cause pretty much no man, regardless of political affiliation, is asking me out these days …. Um, is it something I said? (I did ask you out on a date on the radio a few days ago despite what you’ve said in the past. Well, maybe because of not so much what you’ve said in the past. It’s not so much as a political issue as much as a point of admiration because you can voice unafraid, that which is not NORMAL. You make us think.)

    “She’s got as much experience as Barack Obama.” (Actually, she has more at experience at “governing” than any of the candidates.).

    “John McCain has gone on record saying he opposes equal pay for women.” (If I remember correctly, he was stating that any legislation that would unfairly quota any race, creed, color, or sex above another is an unfair consideration over pay incentive merit.).

    So this election year, I’m further reducing the likelihood – especially here in redder-than-red Sarasota — that I’ll ever get a dinner invite again, ever hold someone’s hand again, and fuggedabout having someone to snuggle up next to on Election Night ‘08. (Again, please join me for that promising event-filled evening here in Little Rock, Arkansas. I’m sure I could assuage your grief and disappointment.)

    _________________________/)

    Reply
  2. MC,

    You are really drinking the Kool Aid aren’t you? This blog was over the top, leftist and angry and sounded like something worthy of the Daily Kos. Sarah Palin’s speech tonight was a breath of fresh air yet you’d already made your mind up on her before hearig her out. Wouldn’t a real journalist, an objective journalist, have waited to hear her before condemning her? I am starting to see why the local paper may no longer have had a need for a young, biased reporter when those jobs are already taken in the mainstream media.

    Reply
  3. Being held hostage in a Blue State
    September 4, 2008 at 6:45 am

    JM:

    She had the courage of her conviction to quit. It’s called integrity Sparky, and has nothing to do with being an objective journalist because she’s a columnist. A columnist is not a journalist and as such provides an opinion on a plethora of topics, hers albeit are at times skewed to the left, but hers all the same. Your opinion with respect MC2 not being employed by the local newspaper (which I would not line a bird cage with) is simplistic and void of fact and merit.

    Your “newspaper” lacked integrity, courage and didn’t know the difference either. They caved in because a few southern rednecks complained that the reporter was young and biased all becaused she dares to stand behind a black candidate for president and a demented reverend. Dude it’s her right I certainly don’t agree but it’s what America is all about as corny as that sounds.

    Does she limit or exclude your comments the way that rag you read wanted to hers??.

    Have a nice day

    Reply
  4. visiting plymouth sometime in the near future? dinner? i’ll even look past the fact that you loved a republican.

    Reply
  5. Dear Blue State “Dude”,

    I thought you’d get to at least the second sentence before you showed your left wing stripes by resorting to name calling (“Sparky”?) cute, but lacks originality.

    Also, thanks for the Journalism 101 refresher course on the difference between a “journalist” and a “columnist”. It’s been my experience that anyone who writes about a specific topic should be somewhat informed regarding said topic. Obviously being from a blue state you are much better educated than us “southern rednecks”, therefore the fact that someone writes about a subject they are ill-informed on is OK with you. Why strive for objectivity when you are just bloviating, right?

    And then you throw out the “race card”, which is such a predicable play in any left wingers bag of dirty tricks (aka manure). I won’t even qualify that moronic statement with a response (nor the over cliched “bird cage liner” tripe.) Get some new stuff.

    As to the issue of censorship, why don’t you check with your (obviously) and MC’s candidates’ position on “The Fairness Doctrine”. I know it might actually take a little legwork on your part and God forbid some research, but should you chose to enlighten yourself on the subject you will see what your candidate really thinks of freedom of the press. But judging from your style of writing, silencing the opposition appears to be an acceptable outcome.

    Reply

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