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October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

The Sarasota Herald-Tribune ran an opinion piece I wrote in today’s op/ed section. If you want to read it online, click here: Break the Cycle of Domestic Violence

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Posted on October 18th, 2011Comments RSS Feed
22 Responses to October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month
  1. Thank you so much on your article. I was married 2 yrs. to a verbally and physically abusive man, and like you, was embarrassed by being battered. I hid my bruises, lied about broken bones, and felt that by staying and proving to my spouse that I wasn’t what he’d scream at me, that he’d “get better.” It wasn’t until my daughter witnessed the abuse first-hand, and the trauma she was going through, that I realized I must contact the abuse hotline. They helped me to see and understand what co-dependency is and helped me get through that horrific time. My husband, not feeling the need to get outside help, divorced me. Women need to be aware that NO ABUSE is alright…and that they must quit looking within for the solution and reach out to the help that is available. Thank you again for doing your part.

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  2. Thanks Sally, for sharing your story as well. I’m sorry for what you went through but admire your courage in getting help and protecting your daughter.

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  3. Read today’s column. How brave of you.

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  4. Thanks for reading Denise — and for taking the time to comment; it means a lot.

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  5. Dear M.C., I was very moved by your honesty and bravery in writing this personal and important piece. A much loved former employee and friend died at the hands of her jealous partner and most of us who knew her were taken totally by surprise. Her secret became her death sentence. Kudos to you for getting out, and for sharing your message so that other “normal” woman will hopefully find courage in your words and seek help.

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  6. Thank you Kim, for taking the time to share your experiences with a coworker. It’s true — many times people close to someone being abused have no idea. And secrets can be destructive. I appreciate your note very much. MC

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  7. Thank you so much for your article. Your story is so similar to mine its eerie. I was in a relationship 4 years ago that ended with a black eye that lasted 3 months. I remember thinking to myself…I am not really in a domestic violent relationship, he hasn’t “hit” me or “punched” me. Ok so choking and throwing around, and putting my head through a wall is ok? Ongoing isolation and emotional abuse, periodic physical abuse followed by bouts of remorse and promises…
    It took a while to really get out of my denial though. Here I was with a Master’s degree, working with abused and neglected children (many of whom are taken due to DV) and I couldn’t see what was going on in my own home. I also didn’t want people to find out…I felt weak, stupid, and ashamed.

    There is so much the public doesn’t know about this subject. Even still, my family and friends have a hard time understanding what I was going through and how they could have helped. I see so many gaps in the system between public awareness, law enforcement, state prosecutors, community providers, etc…
    Again, thank you for writing the article it is so important for this message to continue to get out there. Our statistics are getting worse and I feel that there is so much more that can be done.

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  8. I’m sorry for what you went through, Laura. It is hard for others who haven’t experienced it to grasp the complexities of emotions and logistics. I appreciate you reading and taking the time to comment. Wishing you all best, MC

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  9. Dear Miss Coolidge: I have never been a victim of abuse, however, I wanted you to know that I admire your courage, God Bless You.

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  10. Maria, thanks very much for your kind note and words. They mean a lot. MC

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  11. Thank you for your article. There are too many of us who thought we were too smart to be abused. I admire you for writing it out loud; only those I feel safe with know about what went on in my marriage. I left him a long time ago, but there are still lingering behaviors and doubts about myself that I deal with regularly. I still fight being a victim.

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  12. Belle Heneberger
    November 1, 2011 at 9:21 am

    Great article! Thanks for telling your story so people can have a better understanding of what goes on, and to give more people the courage to speak up and take care of themselves!

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  13. Cindy, thank you for writing. I think one of my reasons for writing the column was because of that “lingering” feeling — for me it was a fear of what others would think of me. This I know for sure: you’re not a victim anymore. You’re obviously very strong. All best, MC

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  14. Belle,
    Thanks for taking the time to read the piece and to comment here! MC

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  15. You go, Girl! What a joy when someone tells it like it is. Thanks

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  16. MC. What a brave and eloquent OpEd on Monday. You are a light to many, I’m sure, and quite the example for us all in our daily lives. Thank you and xxo

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  17. Thanks Marylu — for reading and sharing the “joy!” :) MC

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  18. Melissa,
    Thanks so much for reading and taking the time to leave a comment — your kind words mean an awful lot. Thank you — with a special thanks for being one of the first people in Sarasota to help me start on my new life by hiring me to do PR! All best, MC

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  19. Thank you so much for the article. I too was one of those women had two children at the time. I will tell anyone that will listen. It is not always as easy to get out of a situation and requires a lot of resources, which most women don’t have. Once you are free, you see how you were kept in, after a lot of sole searching and counseling. Getting out is not the end it is just a beginning. Many women need continuing support and education. They will find themselves taken in once again. I actually am a second time suvivor. The first time, I did not have the education and counseling. Will you please urge those that are suvivors to get counceling and education for themselves and their children…..

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  20. Dear M.C.,

    We’ve all heard about the physical abuse some men inflict upon their women. Usually, we are suitably appalled by the occasional newspaper accounts and annual statistics that tally the injuries and recount the sordid histories of physical abuse.

    Then there are the true tragedies, the ones that end in death for the female.

    In every reported instance, almost always involving people we don’t know, we are quietly ashamed. We as human beings have not yet evolved enough to weed out such loathsome behaviors among the males of our species. What low subhumans among us, we ask, would coldly use brute force to inflict pain and suffering upon weaker females, their own companions and mates?

    But there are even worse things than hearing about anonymous and unknown female victims of abuse.

    What really disturbs is hearing from women we know. As a man and someone who counts you among his friends, I was both shocked and saddened to learn of your past suffering at the hands of someone you loved. Your candor and forthrightness in recounting your own experiences make otherwise routine abuse even more loathsome and disturbing. If it could happen to someone like you, whom I know, then I have to acknowledge it could happen to any woman.

    I doubt there is an easy path to eradicating this vicious way some men behave. Perhaps an immediate remedy would be to stiffen society’s penalties for inflicting physical abuse on females. Perhaps more awareness and calling attention to this lingering malady among susceptible males might improve the annual statistics. More than that, maybe encouraging every woman to be firmly on guard against physical abuse, ready to fight it with immediate and punishing legal means, would be the most effective way of protecting more women in coming years.

    Thank you for giving this alarming subject the attention it deserves. And for candidly and vividly offering your own personal experiences, bravely personifying for each of us the true human impact of these intolerable crimes against defenseless women.

    With sincere admiration and appreciation,

    Jack Bethune

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  21. Lynn,
    Thanks you so much for reading the column and visiting my blog to comment and share your experience and insight. I’ve heard from many women since the column ran, and yes, I am encouraging everyone to take advantage of the many great resources our community offers. Thanks for emphasizing that message.
    MC

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  22. Jack,
    Saying thank you seems a meager set of words in comparison to yours … but … thank you. For reading. For writing. For reaching out to me and for caring about the many affected.
    MC

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